Knitting Paradise® - Knitting and Crochet Forum
Home | Knitting Digest | Active Topics | Newest Pictures | Search | Login | Register | Help
Main
feeling guilty
(?)
If you would like to post a reply, then please login (if you already have an account) or register (if you don't).
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 next>>
Jan 11, 2017 11:53:12   #
loubroy
 
I really am feeling guilty. My favorite niece (like a daughter) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last March. Since then I have been trying to do everything I can to help her. She wanted me to knit her some caps even though she opted out on having chemo. I worked and worked on her caps. She picked out the most difficult patterns. Now she wants me to make her some fingerless arm warmers. I just want to get back onto the cathedral window afghan I have started but feel pressured to get her gloves made. She wants more than one pair. I feel selfish about wanting to get back to doing something I enjoy rather than pressured to do something I don't really like doing. Just need to commiserate a wee tad.
 
Jan 11, 2017 11:59:51   #
knit4ES (a regular here)
 
That is a difficult situation. Your feelings are yours and there is nothing wrong with them.
Can you set a timer? Work for an hour on your afghan 1st. Then work for an hour on what she wants.
working on your joy first will give you the strength and restore your enthusiasm to be able to more freely give the time and energy for the other.
If you do hers with resentment (understandably) that resentment will be knitted in... no help to either of you.
Just my two cents....
Jan 11, 2017 12:01:39   #
Nanxy (a regular here)
 
I feel for you. It is hard to say no when someone is sick, but remember you also need your peace of mind. Taking care of yourself is vital. And working on your afghan is priority to keep your piece of mind. Hugs going your way.
Jan 11, 2017 12:02:31   #
cainchar
 
I think it's important to remember that the caring members (family/friends) of a person with cancer, also need to take care of themselves. I recognize that this is a particularly devastating diagnosis, but still, if you don't at least sometimes do things for yourself (be those things, actually doing "something" or "absolutely nothing,) you will burnout and start to resent your loved ones demands. You may already be getting there. Perhaps you could explain that you will do these things for her, but it may take some time as you have something else waiting to be completed.
Jan 11, 2017 12:19:06   #
Spindoctor
 
How many is "some"? I would do one to wash, one to wear. Also, do remember to take care of yourself. I agree, work on your afghan, then work on her arm warmers.
Jan 11, 2017 12:37:15   #
peanutpatty (a regular here)
 
I would do one pair of arm warmers and tell her that is all you can do for now, then work on your afghan.
Granted, she is sick, but it seems that she is a bit demanding, maybe for reassurance that you care.
And please don't feel guilty. You need to think of yourself too.
 
Jan 11, 2017 12:39:31   #
loubroy
 
Thank you for letting me vent and for your timely and reasonable replies. Yes, I will set time to work on what I want and time to work on things for her. I do love her immensely but was beginning to feel bogged down.
Jan 11, 2017 12:41:47   #
countryknitwit
 
I agree with the 2 pair limit suggestion. Just do them and tell her you have a list of projects that you have to get back to and won't be able to make any more at this point. I know I wouldn't enjoy working on the Afghan until the gloves were done. I hate things that I feel I have to do....
Jan 11, 2017 12:57:28   #
deshka (a regular here)
 
You could set aside time to work on her gloves/mitts, and then some time just for yourself and work on your special project then. I don't know your schedule, but maybe an hour or two in the AM for her mitts and then evening work for your own and to relax with. I decided 'late in the game' to make my sister in law a shawl, after I got the yarn I felt a great need to get it done, so worked on it start to finish without anything inbetween. It wasn't such a huge project, but I tell you, it was a heart wrencher and it took all I could do to keep going on it until it was finished.
Jan 11, 2017 13:05:01   #
scumbugusa (a regular here)
 
I would make the arm warmers, after all this young woman has cancer and who knows how long she has to be with you.

You will feel guilt if you don't knit them, and guilt if you don't, and its too late.

I am sorry that you have to make this decision. Lets pray she has a long time to enjoy her life.
Jan 11, 2017 13:18:16   #
Galaxy Knitter
 
knit4ES wrote:
That is a difficult situation. Your feelings are yours and there is nothing wrong with them.
Can you set a timer? Work for an hour on your afghan 1st. Then work for an hour on what she wants.
working on your joy first will give you the strength and restore your enthusiasm to be able to more freely give the time and energy for the other.
If you do hers with resentment (understandably) that resentment will be knitted in... no help to either of you.
Just my two cents....


I agree, do both...
 
Jan 11, 2017 13:51:41   #
JlsH (a regular here)
 
You need to remember you. I'm sure she wants you to work on your projects too. I'd make her one pair and maybe see if you can buy her a second pair. Or you can tell her the pattern for them is just one that frustrates you. I'm sure she will appreciate what you have made. She may be asking for more than 1 pair thinking you need to feel you are doing something for her!
Jan 11, 2017 14:29:41   #
sockyarn (a regular here)
 
Well I suppose you can get back to your lapgan as soon as she is gone. Most people do not survive that type of cancer (my sis-in-law) did not. This is such a little thing you can do for her and she must get comfort from your doing this.
Jan 11, 2017 14:37:17   #
Clancy P (a regular here)
 
Do you have any friends who knit? Maybe they could make the second set of arm warmers at the same time as you make the first.
Jan 11, 2017 15:04:53   #
bundyanne07 (a regular here)
 
I agree with previous posters - do some work for yourself and then knit for your niece.
Page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 next>>
Main
Home | Latest Digest | Back to Top | All Sections
Contact us | Privacy policy | Terms of use
KnittingParadise.com - Forum
Copyright 2004-2016 Knitting Paradise, Inc.