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Definition of "OLD"
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Mar 12, 2019 10:39:24   #

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"

And that, my friend, is the sad definition of "OLD".


Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

"How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied: "Two years older than me"

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

"And what do you think is the best thing

About being 104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."


I've sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes

I'm half blind,

Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

Take 40 different medications that

make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia.

Have poor circulation;

Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,

I still have my driver's license!


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,

So I got my doctor's permission to

Join a fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,

By the time I got my leotards on,

The class was over.


An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests:

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,

She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed.

"Why Wal-Mart?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week"


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be..

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.


It's scary when you start making the same noises

As your coffee maker.


These days about half the stuff

In my shopping cart says,

'For fast relief.'



Grant me the senility to forget the people

I never liked anyway,

The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and

The eyesight to tell the difference.
Mar 12, 2019 10:43:14   #
gr8 (a regular here)
Mar 12, 2019 10:50:22   #
janallynbob (a regular here)

Mar 12, 2019 10:50:53   #
grannybell (a regular here)
But, laughter is still the best medicine so thanks for the giggles.
Mar 12, 2019 10:58:28   #
shoppingwithsunshine (a regular here)
#8 re wrinkles - one of my colleagues always said "You can either have your face without wrinkles or your figure when you get older but not both " I've got neither !
Mar 12, 2019 11:00:58   #
gloriam (a regular here)
Mar 12, 2019 11:01:50   #
Wonderful Made my day!
Mar 12, 2019 11:02:17   #
Pittgirl (a regular here)
Mar 12, 2019 11:04:01   #
Brilliant! I had a chuckle.
Mar 12, 2019 11:04:11   #
tmvasquez (a regular here)
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ oh my gosh I can’t stop laughing because most of these fit me. So sad you have to laugh to keep from crying.
Mar 12, 2019 11:06:02   #
I may have already told you all this, but the other day I was giving my 4 year old grandson "horsey" rides around the house. I eventually told him, "I can't do this any more. I'm too old." to which he replied, "Yes NanNan, you are very old. When I'm 11 you're going to die." And with that he went off to play with something else! Bless him.
Mar 12, 2019 11:25:38   #
gwhitexx (a regular here)
Mar 12, 2019 11:26:07   #
hildy3 (a regular here)
tmvasquez wrote:
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ oh my gosh I can’t stop laughing because most of these fit me. So sad you have to laugh to keep from crying.

Me, too!!! Laughing so hard, tears are flowing!
Mar 12, 2019 11:26:21   #
Mar 12, 2019 11:28:27   #
txgigi (a regular here)
Loved it.....sad but true
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