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How would you handle this
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Jun 29, 2019 07:19:54   #
PriscillaWalker
 
I agree with all the other comments. Truth always wins.
 
Jun 29, 2019 07:32:01   #
lkg67 (a regular here)
 
Exactly what everyone else said.
Jun 29, 2019 07:32:25   #
jordi
 
I think I would say very honestly (at least it would be for me) that you are finishing up a similar project; that is is large; completed and that you always need to work on a different type of project after finishing one like this and in addition; it is not a project for a beginner (especially one with memory issues which we all know is true but can't actually say it).

Then I might add that you have a number of projects on your "to do" list but you will try to look ahead and see if either you can help her or perhaps find a group for her that teaches crochet 101.
Jun 29, 2019 07:34:53   #
jordi
 
Good point; mentioning costs may also be a deterrent. As well as pointing out that the yarn may cost approximately $$$ and I would hate to see you get frustrated and put it aside.
tdorminey wrote:
If she tries to push the issue, a brief statement about yarn costs and hourly rates for your labor, even if you had the time, maybe be needed to convince her to look elsewhere. Then don't back down. People sometimes don't think about what they are asking and what all is involved. Smile, thank her for the implied compliment, and walk away.

Then enjoy wearing your beautiful piece - you earned it!
Jun 29, 2019 07:40:49   #
Sarah Chana
 
Fourel, I agree with you.
Jun 29, 2019 07:49:44   #
mirium
 
black kitty wrote:
A friend of mine from church just left me a phone message saying "did you see that beautiful project I put on facebook? " I just LOVE it!" Can you help me make It?"
This lady has never crocheted or knitted a stitch in her life. She is also older and has several health problems including with her memory. The crochet project is beautiful but complicated. Not a beginer project at all. To make this situation worse I am actually finishing the same type of project for myself right now so I can enter it in our local fair and then enjoy using it at nice places like church where my friend will see me with it. (oh dear) I don't have the time to just make her one too and even if I did that several others in our group would feel left out even if they didn't say so. Very sensitive situation. I don't want to hurt her feelings and now I don't feel comfortable using the one I made for myself.
A friend of mine from church just left me a phone ... (show quote)

You say this lady is your friend, not just an almost-stranger from church, which I think changes the situation. First, I agree with others that you should tell her about the project you're finishing and show it to her now -- and tell her how long it took you to make it. Then explain the challenges of her request, but instead of rejecting her with a flat "no," make her part of the decision. One thing to consider -- you say she has health problems and her memory is starting to fail. Are you treating her like someone who will live for years, or someone who is "on their way out"?

I suggest treating her like she'll be around for a long while and explain that learning to make the project will take a long time, she'll have to make simpler things first, but (if you are) you're willing to walk with her on that journey. (Learning to crochet might help her memory problems if they aren't too severe already, and having a goal might give her life extra purpose.)

If she wants you to make it, she'll still have to be around for a long time because you can't even start it for a while because your own project has worn you out on that kind of pattern and you need a break, then it takes time to do -- estimate how long and tell her twice that time so you won't be under pressure. Plus you're worried that others will feel slighted, and ask her advice on how to handle that.

She might decide to tell herself "no" once she knows the facts. She might be enthusiastic enough to want to learn how to make it herself. She might decide to look forward to it for the years (?) it will take you to make it. Either way, she'll feel less rejected and you'll have treated her like someone who is alive and capable and likely to stay that way, which will help that come true. If she decides to go forward either way, talk to your pastor and ask for help with the reaction of others.
 
Jun 29, 2019 08:14:18   #
sdvrn
 
I had a situation similar several years back. A lady bought yarn and a pattern for a beautiful shawl, thinking she could do it. I am an experienced knitter and looked at the pattern thinking----I could do this, but it would take a long time, and would challenge me. I tried explain it was not a beginners project but she had watched you tube and assured me she had K and P down pat. So, I decided the best was to try do a few pattern repeats. Well, after 4 successive weeks of "trying", she finally caught on that "this is too hard for a beginner". I met this lovely woman at a snowbird craft meeting and have not seen her return in succeeding years. ----I wonder what happened to the yarn???
Jun 29, 2019 09:03:02   #
gardenpoet (a regular here)
 
susanstamps wrote:
Tell her that you can see why she’s loves it, you do too and you’re working on a similar project right now! What good taste she has. It’s been a quite difficult project for you, after you finish you would love to show it to her. Maybe offer to help her find something more suitable for her to learn on.


I think this is very good advice.
Jun 29, 2019 09:16:41   #
ellenrsb
 
How about telling/showing your wip and sharing how great minds work alike. As others said- if you have time and interest, help her find/learn a more appropriate project. Finally, would the pattern lend itself to something smaller- like a face cloth sized swatch or a placemat. You could make and give that to her in her favorite color.
Jun 29, 2019 09:28:21   #
meval
 
black kitty wrote:
A friend of mine from church just left me a phone message saying "did you see that beautiful project I put on facebook? " I just LOVE it!" Can you help me make It?"
This lady has never crocheted or knitted a stitch in her life. She is also older and has several health problems including with her memory. The crochet project is beautiful but complicated. Not a beginer project at all. To make this situation worse I am actually finishing the same type of project for myself right now so I can enter it in our local fair and then enjoy using it at nice places like church where my friend will see me with it. (oh dear) I don't have the time to just make her one too and even if I did that several others in our group would feel left out even if they didn't say so. Very sensitive situation. I don't want to hurt her feelings and now I don't feel comfortable using the one I made for myself.
A friend of mine from church just left me a phone ... (show quote)

I have found that sometimes people just want to connect with you! And talking about knitting or crocheting let's you know that they are trying to do something for you.. talking about something you're interested in! I saw this and it made me think of you.. sometimes they even want to begin to learn how to do it! So I guess you just need to spend some time with that person to see where they're at? What pattern?
Jun 29, 2019 09:37:15   #
LisaJB
 
susanstamps wrote:
Tell her that you can see why she’s loves it, you do too and you’re working on a similar project right now! What good taste she has. It’s been a quite difficult project for you, after you finish you would love to show it to her. Maybe offer to help her find something more suitable for her to learn on.


 
Jun 29, 2019 09:38:30   #
Nilda muniz (a regular here)
 
We make those type of mistakes when we don’t know the time involved in knitting or crochet and much more often when we have no idea how to do it. It’s sad in a way.
Jun 29, 2019 09:39:42   #
NRoberts (a regular here)
 
Tell her the truth...it is not a beginner pattern and would be far too complicated for her to try.
Jun 29, 2019 09:44:28   #
Ursula62
 
You mention memory problems. She probably will forget the shawl while you are still trying to resolve the issue.
Jun 29, 2019 09:48:48   #
jansews (a regular here)
 
Lilyan wrote:
I would reply to her right away. Tell her that you are already in the middle of making this project for yourself and that you are finding it quite a challenge so she should ask someone else since you would not be able to go through this a second time.


Excellent explanation!
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