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Jul 20, 2019 21:15:34   #
charbaby (a regular here)
 
DH was diagnosed with Alzheimer's & frontotemporal lobe dementia 2 years ago. Getting him to listen & follow direction has been next to impossible. When I was in the bathroom Wednesday early evening he decided to go out & sweep the front steps. I came out of the john & heard him fussing & swearing. He was leaning up against the heavy wooden railing. I helped him back in the house. He complained of right leg pain & had an abrasion on his outer left elbow. I don't know what the hell he did. And his verbal skills are so impaired he gropes for words & never gets there. He walked Wednesday night & all day Thursday into early Friday morning with my help & the walker. Started last night complaining of left leg pain & inability to move his feet when standing. But he could stand if I helped him up. Today, no walking, no standing, no ability to know when he had to urinate. Very confused, more so than lately. So against his pleadings & threats, I called the local rescue squad & brought him to the ER. The CT scan shows a fractured left femur right at the neck under the hip joint. Exactly how his Dad, then his Mom fractured theirs. Papa was gone in a week. Mama died 3 months after her surgery. Pa was 89; Mama 97. Frank will be 79 on the 24th. His health hasn't been good. Our DD is furious with me because I haven't gotten us moved to Columbus. I was reluctant because if she's too busy to pick up her ever present I phone & call once a week, what kind of support could I expect in a city where they are the only 2 people I know? But somehow his dementia & his fracture is my fault. I'm really at my wit's end tonight. Surgery is in the morning around 11. Please, if you're the praying kind to the God of your understanding, remember us in your prayers tonight. Thanks so much for "listening."
Charlotte
 
Jul 20, 2019 21:19:41   #
NKC55 (a regular here)
 
Prayers for you and your family. Also for the medical team.
Jul 20, 2019 21:31:23   #
barbarab
 
My prayers are with you and your DH. Praying for a positive outcome. Please keep us posted.
Jul 20, 2019 21:37:39   #
fortunate1 (a regular here)
 
Prayers for you and family. It is not that she blames you, she is scared and angry that her dad is going through this..and you mom, love her unconditionally, so it is ok if she takes it out on you, you are her safe person.
Most people that break hips at this age die from pneumonia, not the actual break. Getting them up every chance you can to sit in a chair or just to stand will help prevent that.
I took care of my mom after she broke her hip, and I am going to make a suggestion to you. I would talk to a discharge planner, and see if there is in home care available. It will be hard for you to get him up and down. Or possibly a rehab center for the first few weeks, until he is weight bearing. With his Alzheimer's it is going to be a battle. If not, tell your daughter you need her help for a couple of weeks. Don't try to do it on your own, you will need help. The only reason I was able to, is mom was all there still, she had Parkinson's, but I have medical background and knew how to get her up and down, and made her do PT daily.
Please, see what is available to you.
Jul 20, 2019 21:37:46   #
Knitter from Nebraska (a regular here)
 
I'm so sorry youre having to deal with all of this. I'll be praying for both you and your husband.
Jul 20, 2019 21:41:38   #
scottybearNSW (a regular here)
 
Prayers coming your way for you and for the medical team who are to operate.
 
Jul 20, 2019 21:43:46   #
maggiex4 (a regular here)
 
It very hard to take care of somebody like your husband, is not your fault what had happened to him, is very easy to blame you, but you need help, I’m sorry to tell you but things are not going to get better, I’ll pray you,
Jul 20, 2019 21:48:14   #
smasha12 (a regular here)
 
I’m very sorry this is happening to your DH. I expect the pain made him less able to cope with his daily needs.

At this point you can’t move. I think you need to ask your daughter to come for a long weekend and see the situation for herself. You and she need to have a heart to heart about your possible move. If your DH is 79, your daughter is old enough to listen to you. She has to face up to what is happening. I’m sorry to be blunt, but we are watching friends go through difficult times. It has taken a long time for their son to step up and help, but now he’s doing an amazing job.

My thoughts are with you.
Jul 20, 2019 21:51:47   #
Susie2016 (a regular here)
 
Charlotte, I'm praying for both of you---and for the whole situation. And also for the doctors, to guide them in their treatment of your DH. And I'm praying for God to send you both some guardian angels, in Jesus name.
Jul 20, 2019 21:55:16   #
Montana Gramma (a regular here)
 
Moving may have confused your DH even more, sometimes they relate to the constant in their life and get really upset with change. That between a rock and a hard place thing. Has your daughter been able to spend any amount of time with the two of you to really get a clear picture of what you do on a daily basis, physically and mentally? It can be a shock sometimes when they really see the changes.
You have my best thoughts for the best outcome and please sleep for hours while he is being cared for.
Jul 20, 2019 21:59:20   #
shepherd (a regular here)
 
fortunate1 wrote:
Prayers for you and family. It is not that she blames you, she is scared and angry that her dad is going through this..and you mom, love her unconditionally, so it is ok if she takes it out on you, you are her safe person.
Most people that break hips at this age die from pneumonia, not the actual break. Getting them up every chance you can to sit in a chair or just to stand will help prevent that.
I took care of my mom after she broke her hip, and I am going to make a suggestion to you. I would talk to a discharge planner, and see if there is in home care available. It will be hard for you to get him up and down. Or possibly a rehab center for the first few weeks, until he is weight bearing. With his Alzheimer's it is going to be a battle. If not, tell your daughter you need her help for a couple of weeks. Don't try to do it on your own, you will need help. The only reason I was able to, is mom was all there still, she had Parkinson's, but I have medical background and knew how to get her up and down, and made her do PT daily.
Please, see what is available to you.
Prayers for you and family. It is not that she bl... (show quote)


This post cannot be improved. Except to add prayers for all concerned including understanding for your DD
 
Jul 20, 2019 22:09:05   #
shepherd (a regular here)
 
"Has your daughter been able to spend any amount of time with the two of you to really get a clear picture of what you do on a daily basis, physically and mentally?"

A very good point. My (step)DD listened to my description of her dad's present situation and immediately said it was time to sell off the farm and go into a Senior Living place. She has not been here in several years altho she lives less than an hour away (her choice)and the only times she has seen her dad is holidays (Christmas, a "family birthday" party in January and Father's Day) at her home with her friends included in the past several years. She has no clue about his life and capabilities. I told her she can tell him to give up the barn full of tools and farm equipment and the basement full of tools (much of which he still uses) and then She can go live with him in a Senior Living place. He is not ready for that, but I could use a little help until he is. Don't let someone who does not know the situation tell you how to fix it.
Jul 20, 2019 22:11:19   #
marilyngf (a regular here)
 
Prayers for you both for strength to get through this
Jul 20, 2019 22:14:44   #
Ruddersrun
 
🙏🏻
Jul 20, 2019 22:17:13   #
seamer45 (a regular here)
 
Of course our prayers will include you both. But don’t move away from your home. Stay where you know the town, his doctors can continue to care for him, and he will be comfortable in his own space.
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