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Venting about siblings and guardianship
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Sep 15, 2019 13:47:02   #
concl8ve
 
Knitting in the Rockys wrote:
Why aren't you and your other siblings helping out with the cost of your mother's care? All of this is falling on your sister, which is unfair, to say the least. Just because your sister has resources doesn't mean she should be expected to carry the full load. Can't the rest of you each chip in a little every month to ease the burden on your sister?


She has enough money to live on Social security and pension from her and Dads jobs. and medicare. It is not the money. It's just the fact that my sister wants to keep her away from the rest of us.
 
Sep 15, 2019 14:07:49   #
Knitting in the Rockys (a regular here)
 
concl8ve wrote:
She has enough money to live on Social security and pension from her and Dads jobs. and medicare. It is not the money. It's just the fact that my sister wants to keep her away from the rest of us.


If your mother came and stayed with you for a week it doesn't sound like your sister is trying to keep her away from the rest of you. Have you been denied access to your mother? You didn't mention anything about that. What you have focused on is that your sister has the means to have your mother living with her. Your sister is paying for the roof over your mother's head, the utilities, etc. I'm more than sure she would appreciate a little help now and then from her siblings. Resentments can start to run deep when the care of a parent falls fully on the shoulders of only one child.
Sep 15, 2019 14:36:47   #
concl8ve
 
Knitting in the Rockys wrote:
If your mother came and stayed with you for a week it doesn't sound like your sister is trying to keep her away from the rest of you. Have you been denied access to your mother? You didn't mention anything about that. What you have focused on is that your sister has the means to have your mother living with her. Your sister is paying for the roof over your mother's head, the utilities, etc. I'm more than sure she would appreciate a little help now and then from her siblings. Resentments can start to run deep when the care of a parent falls fully on the shoulders of only one child.
If your mother came and stayed with you for a week... (show quote)


She lives 6 hours away. We have offered. I have paid for plane tickets, my brother drove down and picked her up brought her to the state that I and the oldest brother live in. Everyone else lives in another state further away. My oldest Brother (the one that drove down to pick her up and brought her here for the holiday weekend) and I are the only two to ever do anything. Of the other kids, 5 in total. Two are collecting social security and can't work. One Brother in Texas can't handle my mother anymore and is too busy to`deal with it.
Sep 15, 2019 14:49:49   #
Knitting in the Rockys (a regular here)
 
concl8ve wrote:
She lives 6 hours away. We have offered. I have paid for plane tickets, my brother drove down and picked her up brought her to the state that I and the oldest brother live in. Everyone else lives in another state further away. My oldest Brother (the one that drove down to pick her up and brought her here for the holiday weekend) and I are the only two to ever do anything. Of the other kids, 5 in total. Two are collecting social security and can't work. One Brother in Texas can't handle my mother anymore and is too busy to`deal with it.
She lives 6 hours away. We have offered. I have pa... (show quote)


Well then I can see why your sister is probably starting to feel some resentment, she is the one bearing full responsibility. Everyone else seems to have excuses.
Sep 15, 2019 15:14:12   #
concl8ve
 
Knitting in the Rockys wrote:
Well then I can see why your sister is probably starting to feel some resentment, she is the one bearing full responsibility. Everyone else seems to have excuses.


once again, living with my sister is where she wanted to live. My oldest brother and I do what we can. We both work full time. My Brother has high school aged Children and two jobs. If my sister lived in the same state as us it wouldn't be a problem. She needs to realize that instead of assuming. When I call she should at least pick up the phone which she has not done for a couple months.
Sep 15, 2019 15:47:18   #
JennyG12 (a regular here)
 
jemima wrote:
Like the saying goes ...You can choose your friends but not your family.


Yes you can choose your family. Blood is not thicker than water. Everyone goes about their own lives and many drift apart. It is sometimes during the 'trying' times when you 'see' very clearly what and who they have become (if you haven't seen it prior).
 
Sep 15, 2019 16:27:25   #
concl8ve
 
JennyG12 wrote:
Yes you can choose your family. Blood is not thicker than water. Everyone goes about their own lives and many drift apart. It is sometimes during the 'trying' times when you 'see' very clearly what and who they have become (if you haven't seen it prior).


This is so true, and I knew how my sister was when she was younger but thought she would grow up. WRONG
Sep 15, 2019 16:35:44   #
lovestostitch (a regular here)
 
Family members do all kinds of crazy things and understanding the why of their behavior is usually impossible. Throw inheritance into the mix and all kinds of nasty behaviors emerge. I've had problems with my siblings and when I told friends about it, all their horror stories started pouring out. Does your brother have a better relationship with your sister? Does he see your mom? If yes, could you work through him? The worst part would be if your mother believed you abandoned her.
Sep 15, 2019 19:57:14   #
concl8ve
 
There is no inheritance. That isn't what this is about. She should know that she isn't abandon by me and my brother but then again. She has dementia. So who knows
Sep 15, 2019 20:05:21   #
Nanxy (a regular here)
 
Pishi wrote:
I don’t know how old she is, but I am 85 and I hope I never have to move in with one of my children. I love them dearly, but I like my independence. I have friends in assisted living places and i hope I can afford that if it becomes necessary.


Same here, I’m 79, have issues and live in a rent controlled apartment, it’s not section 8 or anything like that, but your income has to be less than a certain limit. I have a very nice apartment, large 2 bedrooms, full kitchen with washer and dryer (full size too), it is only for seniors 55 and older. I love my apartment and I can afford it on my income.
I don’t want to ever have to live with any of my children. I love them, they love me, but we need our space.
Oh, there is large waiting list to get in here.
Sep 15, 2019 20:12:55   #
Emmy Cat (a regular here)
 
I feel for you on this one. Families are a pain in the backside! Nothing ever goes right with them and I think I would kill myself if I thought I would have to live with one of my 3 kids. Independence until the end! Take care and try and get through this tough time. X
 
Sep 16, 2019 06:09:32   #
knitbreak (a regular here)
 
jemima wrote:
Like the saying goes ...You can choose your friends but not your family.


Ditto! I would love to tell my story, but time has erased all the bitterness that I had. To make it short. Out of six kids, I was the only one who supported my Mom
when my Dad died.
Sep 16, 2019 08:26:04   #
solshine
 
Hon, don’t let it get you down. To stop a big drain on moms money when dementia started to step in took over Ed decisions for mom but had state take care of money only the two women ripped mom off the state found out so my husband did with open books to all. 4 siblings say we took tens of thousands and it cost us $12,500.00. Siblings quit talking to us. I did what I could for mom. Everything but move her in since we live in small cabin. Moms dead three years, two siblings dead and two left don’t talk to us. I only thought of mom when she needed us, same with dad when he needed us. I quit work to help mom with dieting dad, the others didn’t even visit once. I know I did right.
Sep 16, 2019 09:45:33   #
jonibee (a regular here)
 
Keep in touch via cell phone or computer, or snail mail or just take the time and go and visit her if only for a day or two...Your sister shouldn't be acting as the gate keeper concerning your Mom..what's her problem?
Sep 16, 2019 09:55:15   #
pjcoldren
 
If you are truly worried about her physical/mental well being, you can call the Child & Family Services in her county (in the US) or the local Council on Aging, and ask for a wellness check. If nothing else, having officials knock on your sister's front door might prompt her to grant you more telephone access to your mother. It will also probably really get her knickers in a twist - so be prepared for that.
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