10 year old still sleeps with mom?
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Perhaps she is trying to make up for the fact that his father is no longer around. Did the father leave, does he have contact with his son, and other questions come to mind. If this is new perhaps leave well enough alone and see how things shake out. Ultimately you can`t win by saying anything. If in a few weeks this is still happening, then perhaps a gentle suggestion for some counselling might be in order.
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Hmm, someone in my family had done this too in similar circumstances, with two of her children. She was a single mother from the start and the bed-sharing stopped when the first child was around four years old because the mother met her new husband. Her husband works abroad now and her three year old son sleeps with her while dad's away.
I tend to think that the children in these cases are being used as a kind of security blanket for the parent, though no doubt the child gets some comfort from the arrangement too.
In the case of my relative, I think she's really selfish as the child gets this temporary togetherness while the mother needs it and then he gets kicked out so to speak, when the father is home for a few weeks and then a few weeks later he's back in mum's bed again.
Unfortunately, the consequence of all this is that the boy doesn't sleep very well and often wanders around at night crying while his dad is at home and when she's tried to get him in his own bed he won't stay there and she wonders why.
Your sister might find herself in this position should she meet someone and then her son will feel as if he's been pushed away in favour of a new person. She is certainly not doing her or her son any favours.
I tend to think that the children in these cases are being used as a kind of security blanket for the parent, though no doubt the child gets some comfort from the arrangement too.
In the case of my relative, I think she's really selfish as the child gets this temporary togetherness while the mother needs it and then he gets kicked out so to speak, when the father is home for a few weeks and then a few weeks later he's back in mum's bed again.
Unfortunately, the consequence of all this is that the boy doesn't sleep very well and often wanders around at night crying while his dad is at home and when she's tried to get him in his own bed he won't stay there and she wonders why.
Your sister might find herself in this position should she meet someone and then her son will feel as if he's been pushed away in favour of a new person. She is certainly not doing her or her son any favours.
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I'm thinking the question is valid, the writer was only asking if you and your siblings were allowed to share the bed with your parents, from time to time.diana1960 said:
In my family, when we were young, Saturday mornings were "jump in bed with M&D time". We talked about our week, what our plans were for the day, and it was about the only time during the week that the four wee ones were quiet and listened to the others! lol
Children express themselves using words that have meaning for them. The word "scared" could mean many, many things ... concern for his Mom being alone, .... scared can show compassion.
You sound really upset and perhaps a little scared yourself about the choices your sister is making. Perhaps you would find it helpful to discuss your concerns with a professional, and maybe even a teacher of 10 year olds to learn what behaviours are considered normal for that age, and perhaps in a similar familial situation.
I'm glad that you turned to your KP friends, and there are many of us, with many perspectives and experiences, to bounce things off of. You know we 'have your back' and that you are part of a very large extended family.
What I meant is that my oldest daughter slept with me and now she has her two yr. sleep with them. Probably not forever but if I did it she doesn't see nothing wrong with her doing it. There is no Harm in my Question. If your mother allowed you kids to sleep with her then maybe your sister and brother see no harm in it either.diana1960 said:
my sister and her boyfriend have been on the outs for about 2 years now. He was lazy,drank,smoked pot and pretty much did nothing for the household.
my sister told me that my nephew asked if she still loved his dad and she said 'why would you ask a question like that'. and he said 'because I don't love him anymore'
and now that he is older,he is not backing down to his dad anymore.before it became physical she got out.
my sister told me that my nephew asked if she still loved his dad and she said 'why would you ask a question like that'. and he said 'because I don't love him anymore'
and now that he is older,he is not backing down to his dad anymore.before it became physical she got out.
actually both of those siblings are 'halves' to me. My mother divorced when I was only 2 and she didn't remarry until I was 8. I never liked my stepfather. This sister and brother are both his kids. No, they never slept with them.
I didn't mean to sound nasty so I apologize for that.
I didn't mean to sound nasty so I apologize for that.
To be honest I think a 10 yr. old still sleeping with his mother is unhealthy.
As far as a mother feeding two I'm sure it can be done. I think this should be the mother's choice. I didn't breastfeed any of my children. My youngest daughter breastfed until the two boys were 18 months. My oldest daughter couldn't produce enough milk and had to switch to a bottle.
As far as a mother feeding two I'm sure it can be done. I think this should be the mother's choice. I didn't breastfeed any of my children. My youngest daughter breastfed until the two boys were 18 months. My oldest daughter couldn't produce enough milk and had to switch to a bottle.
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I know a woman who lets her 8 yr old son take a bath with her. That horrifies me!
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We all bring our own histories to our thoughts on the original question.
The more I read and learn, the less I (hope) I am judgemental of the behaviour of others. I read someplace the other day "If you worry about what others thing - don't do it"
I am going to pray that whatever the decisions are for the children involved in less than perfect situations - no matter what family, country, age, colour, race or creed - are watched over by earth angels and come to no harm, and that they have the benefit of understanding, loving and caring teachers to help guide them into clarity of thought as they mature to adulthood.
Bless them, every one!
The more I read and learn, the less I (hope) I am judgemental of the behaviour of others. I read someplace the other day "If you worry about what others thing - don't do it"
I am going to pray that whatever the decisions are for the children involved in less than perfect situations - no matter what family, country, age, colour, race or creed - are watched over by earth angels and come to no harm, and that they have the benefit of understanding, loving and caring teachers to help guide them into clarity of thought as they mature to adulthood.
Bless them, every one!
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I never slept in my parents' bed. Sometimes my daughter slept with me, but we were both kickers and cover-stealers, so it wasn't very restful.
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I'd say it's not really advisable for a 10 year old boy to be sleeping with his mum, they've possibly had a bad 6 months but this is not a great solution for either of them. If the other kids at school find out he could end up being bullied and if she lives and breathes for him it'll cause all sorts of problems later on. If she won't talk to you properly about it maybe they both need professional help.diana1960 said:
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I can understand he is scared , a friend of mine went through the same thing but she wasn't too fond of the idea of him sleeping in bed with her he was nine .Her answer? She bought an air mattress so he was in the room with her but not in the same bed.
I think that might be a good compromise.
The watermelon thing is a little odd to me for a 10 year old child.Half the fun of watermelon is holding the big wedge and eating it drips and all on a hot summer day.
I think that might be a good compromise.
The watermelon thing is a little odd to me for a 10 year old child.Half the fun of watermelon is holding the big wedge and eating it drips and all on a hot summer day.
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I would wonder why the parents sacrificed their intimacy/relationship to allow a child to sleep in the marital bed. It would suggest to me that the relationship was damaged and may be irretrievably breaking down. I also think that it is denying the child that wonderful secure "sovereign" feeling of having an exclusing safe sanctuary - of being in his/her "own bed".
I brought up 3 girls who each had their own room but knew that they could come to our room at any time if they needed to. I would then go back to the child's room and cuddle with them until they fell asleep and return to my own bed. There were rare times when perhaps one or other was unwell and wandered in to our room in the wee small hours and I took that child into our bed.
Outside of privacy in the marital relationship, I do not think it is a matter of general privacy. I sincerely believe that a natural modesty develops as the child reaches puberty and this should be the guide as to the degree of privacy between parent and child.
I brought up 3 girls who each had their own room but knew that they could come to our room at any time if they needed to. I would then go back to the child's room and cuddle with them until they fell asleep and return to my own bed. There were rare times when perhaps one or other was unwell and wandered in to our room in the wee small hours and I took that child into our bed.
Outside of privacy in the marital relationship, I do not think it is a matter of general privacy. I sincerely believe that a natural modesty develops as the child reaches puberty and this should be the guide as to the degree of privacy between parent and child.
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I would not worry to much about it at this point. The boy will eventually go to his own room. Since a break up is involved, it may be about that. If you are concerned, speak with your sister about it and let her know it is time to have a serious conversation with her son about the need for him to sleep by himself and she by herself so that they can rely on each other, but be separate. Divorce is a difficult thing to go through and the co-dependency is helpful to everyone for a time. The adult has to make the decision that it is time to be self reliant and learn to deal with disappointment. It is a very delicate situation, but if your sister and you are close, have the conversation. It might help her realize the problems that can develop.
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