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This is becoming an issue for me. The core of the issue is that I absolute hate shopping with anyone else. I'm strictly a solo shopper. Grocery shopping is punishment to me - but I do it every week to 10 days, or when I run out of toilet paper or coffee. Am I alone in this?

This is an issue to me because someone who doesn't drive expects me to take her to the grocery store, doctor appointments, etc. At one time (for about 5 years) I did until I realized my week was being filled with her errands. (She has 2 daughters and lots of grand/great grand children who drive.) At that point I started ignoring her hints and only asked her to go to the grocery store when I was going and knew that she hadn't gone to the store for a few days. As a result, her daughters have stepped up and are coming to visit her and take her to her appointments and grocery store about once a week.

BUT I feel guilty about my decision. Should I feel guilty or am I reasonable? (I really don't want to go back to being a volunteer taxi service but I am available for emergencies and do take her somewhere at least once a week BUT I don't want to be mean.)
 

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I hate food shopping and do it when I'm on the verge of starvation. I don't think you should feel guilty since the woman has family who can take her wherever she needs to go. In an emergency it would nice for you to offer, but definitely not on a steady basis.
 

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I don't think you are being mean. I too prefer shopping etc. alone as I don't like window shopping and having to wait for other people is a pain. It was about time her own family stepped up, which they have. I am sure you are still friends and she does go with you when you do go out so I wouldn't worry about it.
 

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I DO NOT think you should feel guilty! Look at the outcome, her family members now at least are visiting with her, whereas before they might not have been - because you stepped up to replace them, not on purpose ! You can be selfish to take care of yourself and do what you need to do. The traffic situation and drivers in our city are horrible, therefore I stay at home as much as possible and do as little driving as possible and go shopping only when needed, and pretty much always by myself, that way I can take my time or go for specific items. Have a great day ! (P.S. one added note - I have SIL who was going through Chemo treatments in another city - one hour drive each way - I volunteered to make the once a month trip with her - we are BFF's and always enjoyed the drive to catch up on stuff and eat lunch out that day-seemed to give her a little change of pace and pleasure-but as I said I VOLUNTEERED for this driving duty=my choice!).
 

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I don't mind food shopping. It is the putting away that I HATE! If only someone would come home with me to do it, I'd be in heaven.
 

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I don't mind grocery shopping at all. We have a huge grocery store that claims to be five acres under one roof. To me it's interesting to see all the different food stuffs, some that I have no idea what they are.
That said, you shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to do all the errands for your friend. It is nice of you to include her when you are going and I hope you continue to do that. I'm glad her family has stepped up and is helping. I know I would be in big trouble if I couldn't drive and dread the thought of that ever happening. There always seems to be something that I need to do despite the fact that I try to combine trips to town for errands. It would be terrible to have to rely on others for the many things that need doing and I know I would appreciate any help that was offered.
 

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You are not alone. I hate shopping too, whether it is grocery or clothing . All the errands are exhausting. Pet store, drug store, Walmart, Aldi's , sentry. But as far as this 'friend' who you chauffer around. I would have to believe that she needs your company too. That was a thing with my mother. I hated all the errands she trapped me into doing. But really she just needed my company.
 

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I don't think you should feel guilty at all. She should thank you, as now her daughters have stepped up and are helping out their mom, which they should've been doing all along. Plus the fact that you're still available to her for emergencies is more than enough. As for your aversion to shopping, many stores now provide online shopping, where you choose what you need from their website, then just go to the store to pick it up. Try a Google search for "online grocery shopping Nashville" and you'll see lots of hits.
 

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Oh my, I could have written this. I have a very dear friend who is 92yrs and can't drive. I was taking her along when I went for groceries or anywhere else. My biggest problem is that she is so UNDERSTANDABLY slow and pokey. And needs my help with carrying and lifting things. The problem with THAT is I am in the end stages of Cystic Fibrosis with lung function of 33% and on oxygen and it's all I can do to get my OWN groceries and run my own errands. I have even divided getting my groceries into 2 days because I just can't do it all in one trip anymore. She always wanted to buy me lunch as a thank you when we went, but that was just too tiring for me and I hated her spending her small income like that.

I feel badly for her, though, because I live alone also (my husband is only home 1-2 days a week) and I know what it's like when you need something and can't go out. Therefore I will ask her if she needs me to pick anything up for her. She tells me how she hates depending on others for every little thing. Getting to the drs, getting milk, etc.

Like in your case, she has children and grandchildren around and some friends from church that still drive who step up. Now that I have pretty much resigned from taking her anymore, she understands because she knows how my health is. Her family is stepping up more and helping. She's a very sweet lady.

And I HATE shopping! The worst is if I need to clothing shop. So exhausting for me I just hate it.
 

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No need to feel guilty. She is not your responsibility, and she has family members fully capable and with the means to help her out. Nice of you to offer once in a while, but not up to you to be sure she gets a ride. I have been in this type of situation, where in my estimation, others confuse kindness with weakness. They expect you to be at their beck and call and try to exploit you to their own advantage. I have learned to look others squarely in they eye and be calm and honest about what I am willing and not willing to do for them. I have learned they will push you as far as you let them. Do not worry about it. You have been kind and generous and gone above and beyond to help her out. Put yourself first. If you don't, you will wind up in second place (or lower) every time.
 

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Just one more person to tell you not to feel guilty at all. You helped a lot and continue to help as needed and now family members are able to spend more time with her too. It is easy for other people to fill up your time and setting limits is necessary.
 

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Don't feel guilty about being put upon, you stepped in and gave her lifts and grew tired of this. Now it's her familys' turn to step up to the plate. If you want to include her on trips make it a special one and just let her know that it's not a weekly thing..Not everyone likes to be put upon, you did your good deeds in the past.
 

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It really is better that her family does it for her. That way they spend more time with her and can watch her progress health-wise and mentally, rather than being surprised by something later. They should especially be taking her to doctor appointments where there may be a need for advocacy etc., which could be a legal issue for you. However, the fact that you feel even a little guilt and are questioning this decision tells us that you are really a kind, caring person. Consider how much you have already done for this person and do not (emphasis on not) feel guilty as in reality you have given her a gift of family time.
 

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Where I live there are two major grocery stores that will shop and deliver for a small fee...You go online and select what you want and pay by credit or debit card..and pick the day and time of delivery...The driver comes in a company owned van with their name and brings it to your home and will even place it on your table/counters. I have used this service in the past and was quite pleased with it. Also there are other sites where you can purchase dry goods not perishable..you pay the shipping charges and it arrives in 4-5 days...There are also town sponsored by the senior citizens shopping trips to a particular grocery store, or mall or dr. appts..you have to call and make an appt. to be picked up..I don't know if there is a minimal charge as I don't use it...Call your local senior center to ask about this...
 

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I really enjoy grocery shopping. I always have. I almost always go by myself. Regarding the other issue, it is hard for someone else to determine what is right for you. If you find you can help someone out who is in need, then that is very generous. On the other hand, if you find you can't continue, then I think it is okay to let someone else (in this case, the family) help out. In the end, as long as the person's needs are being met, I think you can excuse yourself, and just help out when you can.
 

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You have a right to your life and to help someone or not. Sounds like you've helped this lady for years. I'd be tired of it, too.

I used to take my dear Mother grocery shopping and it got to the point it took all morning to get anything done. I loved her, but she was so slow and often got tired and we had to leave before I got to my shopping. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining, but I finally told her it would be easier on both of us if she'd just make me a list and I'd do shopping for both of us, bring her groceries to her and put them up. She agreed and was glad she didn't have to worry with it any more.

You've given this lady a lot more help than her kids did. Now it's time for the kids to step up and take care of her. Don't feel guilty at all. Feel glad you were able to help her as much as you did.
 

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I absolutely loathe food shopping, if anything is going to make me loose my temper and be very rude and sometimes quite nasty it's that. I have found if I go later in the evening it's so much better because most folk are at home watching tv and not blocking aisles or getting in your way while they stand gossiping, another bonus is no uncontrolled children running up and down. Perhaps if you adopt this practise she won't want to come.
You definitely do not need to feel any guilt about not ferrying her about at the end of the day it's her family's responsibility not yours. Ask yourself this "who would ferry me about if I were unable to do it myself" I bet I know what the answer will be!
 
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