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This is a letter that an 86 year-old woman, reportedly wrote to her bank president. I don't know if it's real, but if it isn't it should be...................

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
to honor it..

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only
eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas
I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try
to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, cumbersome, pre-recorded, faceless labyrinth of your voice menu.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer
be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you
must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your
chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a
PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that
Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 10 all over again.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my
automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client
 

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We are lucky enough to have a small country bank that has only four branches. Everyone at the bank knows its customers and we get a hello by name when we come in.

I am printing this wonderful letter and will share it with the gals at the bank. I know we will all have a good laugh together.

90% of the business I deal with I have to go through this nonsense. Sometimes for laughs and tickles I just show up at these business unannounced in person and they have no idea how to handle a customer face to face.
 

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immunurse said:
This is a letter that an 86 year-old woman, reportedly wrote to her bank president. I don't know if it's real, but if it isn't it should be...................

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
to honor it..

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only
eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas
I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try
to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, cumbersome, pre-recorded, faceless labyrinth of your voice menu.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer
be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you
must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your
chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be
accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a
PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that
Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 10 all over again.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my
automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client
As a retired banker....who was used to giving personal attention....I LOVE THIS!!!!
:lol: :lol:
 

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mannme said:
While this is funny, is no one concerned that she wrote the check when she knew her money was not in the bank yet? She could have asked the plummer to wait a couple of days before cashing the check.
:thumbup:
If you write a cheque and it is cashed and you do not have sufficient funds in the account, it is the fault of the person who wrote the check. That is bank policy and always has been. Shame on the person who wrote the cheque in the first place. It has nothing to do with the bank president.

There was also no need at all to be so rude and ignorant in the letter to the bank president. If you do not want to deal with the bank on the phone, then get off your duff and go to the bank in person.
 

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I had a cheque refused and got done with charges many years ago now. I knew I wasn't in the red so went off to the bank on the Monday morning with husband in tow. Finally, after an hour and a half in the managers office, it finally came to light that HE had done the debits etc the week before and had debited may account twice instead of once for one transaction. Boy was he embarrassed. He couldn't do enough for me after that.
 

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This seems to be the way KP is going now. The post can start off nice and then "boom" here come the negative people. And if they are really feeling mean they will PM the original poster with negativity. How sad!
 

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Great letter. Have to watch your accounts. Banks will hold up your money too so they can charge you over draft fees especially of you have direct deposits-- did it to me and my mother when she was alive. I complained about it and got a refund from the bank. And there is no such thing as "free checking" either. They will find a way to take what little money you have; especially from people on fixed incomes. I used to work for a well known attorney in DC with a substantial income. I remember his bank calling and alerting him before one of his checks bounced and gave him time to put money in that account to keep his account from being overdrawn. Can you tell I'm not in favor of banks? Carlyta
 

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tryalot said:
It is true and was published in the Times newspaper (UK), the writer was 98 years old,the bank manager was so amused and impressed that he sent it to The Times.
I hope that after his amusement tickled him he did the right thing for her, like give her 3 months with no payments to his bank!
 
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