*Jock was shipwrecked and washed ashore on a tropical island. As he opened his eyes and gazed around, he saw a lovely young woman wearing only a grass skirt.
"Are you hungry?" she murmured.
"Very," he groaned. So she reached into a little bag woven from palm fronds, and brought out a pie and chips wrapped in the previous day's Scottish News and still hot. He ate with gusto.
"Are you thirsty?" she asked when the food had disappeared.
"Very," he cried, wondering what was to come this time. From the little bag she produced a bottle of fine old single malt whisky, and the astonished Jock took a long, contented swig.
"And now," she said, nestling against him, "how would you like to play around?"
Our Jock shot upright in disbelief. "Dinna tell me you've even got a set of golf clubs in there!" he cried.