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Posts for: malem
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Sep 22, 2019 18:22:46   #
Susie,
Wow! I have had a very different experience with young people through my daughters, their friends and former students who come to visit me. I find them to be intelligent, funny, kind and forward thinking. Have there been some who have struggled and even a couple of bad apples? Yes, of course, but by and large I am truly proud of the adults they have become. Personal experiences really do shape our views.
 
Sep 22, 2019 17:58:46   #
gozolady wrote:
If you want to tar all clergy that way, that's your choice me dear... But please make sure you know that's what YOU said.


I don’t mean to speak for others, but I don’t think she was trying to tar all clergy with the same brush. It’s just that the boogeyman is not always obvious and we would be very naive if we believed that those who appear respectable always have good intentions. The person who tried to rape me was someone I considered a mentor and was a big brother figure in my life. The person who molested my daughter was my sister’s fiancé. It would be great if we could always identify those who prey upon others, but that’s simply not the case. As a matter of fact, responsible Peace Corps staff members, clergy, sports coaches, teachers, etc. often are able to get away with this stuff because they seem respectable.
Sep 22, 2019 17:46:21   #
CherylinOhio wrote:
Four months in a hospital? Yup, the cost would be bankruptcy even with somewhat decent insurance. (Unless you're very wealthy to begin with...)


Word! There was a KP member (since banned, I believe) who insisted that no one in the US went bankrupt over medical bill and that there were always programs to help those who couldn’t afford their medical care. Ah, if only that were true! Many of you know I have stage IV breast cancer. I still work full time. I do love my job, but I am quite worn out at this point. My medical care is catastrophically expensive, but I have excellent health coverage through my employer and I want to keep it as long as possible. Since I am an exceptional responder, and hope that continues. I want to keep my employer based coverage because despite doing well, I consume a lot of pricey treatments and services. When I go on Medicare, I will not enjoy equivalent coverage. Should I begin to consume more medical services, as is inevitable, I will blow through my savings, I may have to sell my house or declare bankruptcy. At that point, I will be a retired public school teacher living on a state pension (no SS for public school teachers in CA), which means I will not qualify for any special assistance. So, besides dying from breast cancer, I have bankruptcy to look forward to! I am very active in a breast cancer forum, and this has happened to more of our middle income members than I can count.
I’ll take any single payer system that doesn’t force folks like me into medical bankruptcy any time. Advantage Canada!
Sep 22, 2019 17:23:30   #
Remember, disliking trump does not mean you don’t love your country. We are neither a dictatorship nor a monarchy, so no loyalty is required to a dear leader or his royal highness. In our pledge of allegiance, we make the pledge to the United States of America, not to any individual.
Sep 22, 2019 15:58:05   #
Kitty lady,
Obama is not nor was he ever a Muslim, and whether he is half black, purple or green matters even less. Besides, if he were Muslim, so what? I lived in a Muslim country for two years and still have many wonderful Muslim friends. The thing is, I love my country and am a very progressive Democrat and can’t imagine why folks would think I don’t. I don’t think trump is qualified to be president, I think he has little regard for the constitution and I find him to be narcissistic, egotistical and crude but don’t conflate my distaste for him with dislike of my country. That is simply not true and I suspect the same holds true for many, if not most, Democrats. BTW, I don’t believe all Republicans are identical either. This is not a zero sum game. Political leanings are much more nuanced than blanket statements.
Sep 22, 2019 15:45:40   #
JennieG wrote:
When our daughter was in high school, I had to have a talk with her about what males (not all of them, of course) see when they look at females. Let's face it, clothing that barely covers the essentials (and nowadays not even that) is perceived as advertising. "See what I have" If she didn't want to send the message, even if it was unintended, she shouldn't advertise. She didn't like it, saying "It's not fair". No, but it's the way it is. I'm not saying that those girls "asked for it", but at their age their brain said "Oh, it will never happen to me". I also think today's society, advertising, media puts many, many unreal expectations in young people's minds. Gonna be a STAR, gonna be RICH, it's going to be GIVEN to me.
When our daughter was in high school, I had to hav... (show quote)


That certainly is a great talk to have with your children, but even if skimpily dressed and “advertising” rape is never the victims fault, period. Sorry, those who perpetrate such crimes are solely responsible and the notion that anyone was asking for it is misogynistic at best. As for reporting years after the fact, I have previously posted that I was the victim of attempted rape over 30 years ago. I did report it to the Peace Corps nurse in my country of service and was simply given Valium and told that it was really nothing and that I shouldn’t ruin the reputation of this “fine” Peace Corps staff member. I got the message loud and clear and never spoke about until recent years.I am silent no more and that man deserved to have his reputation ruined. He is now deceased, so I have nothing to gain but telling my story has been very empowering.
 
Sep 22, 2019 15:27:00   #
Thank you all for understanding the use of the ignore feature. Some members believe the use of ignore is cowardly or that it’s only used to block those you disagree with. However, it’s like real life. You get to decide who you let into your life even in the virtual world.
Sep 22, 2019 14:38:00   #
Londonlady wrote:
Good points you have made. My father was born in 1923 and ended up an only child because both his sister at 7 months and his brother at 15 years died from pneumonia, the biggest killer of children of that era because of damp and poor housing conditions; or how about the men who lost their lives to emphysema by mining coal before central heating came about (my late MIL's father died of that when she was 7 leaving her mother to bring up 6 children on her own and there was no benefits system in those days so she converted her lounge into a sweet shop to make money so they could survive (my MIL was the third child of the 6 and born in 1909); or my mother who had to handwash everything for 6 (mum, dad and four children) using a scrubbing board in the kitchen sink before the first twin tub washing machine was invented which really transformed her life. We could go on and on about things that the youngsters who want to strike have no idea what conditions were like for our Grandparents and my own parents upto a point so what exactly is it that they want to see changed?
Good points you have made. My father was born in... (show quote)


Time never moves backwards. Applause to the young people who understand that although we can’t go backwards, we can work toward use of green energy over fossil fuels and wiser use of our resources. Change doesn’t mean scrapping everything at once, but we need to make small changes in our consumption patterns and move toward the larger changes as they become feasible. What happened in our time, our parents time or beyond is not now and now and the future is all we have.
PS: I have decided not to give up the wheel, even if my ancient ancestors survived without it.
Sep 22, 2019 14:29:56   #
[quote=talulakat][quote=gozolady]Leave aside the emotional side of this situation for a moment, and leave out the "sex".

IF you walk into a situation that you KNOW could put you in danger... Any danger, of any sort, that you cannot protect yourself from or complain about after it happens... Do you do that willingly?
If you do, do you not accept some responsibility for putting yourself in that dangerous place?
We are talking about young innocent women and girls, yes. But they thought they were going to get something for the risk didn't they? As Mary has said.. "they knew what he was like"...

I am certainly not condoning what happened. Nor am I condoning the behaviour of either party all these years later. I am merely asking would you not have to account for your own responsibility for your own safety if you KNEW what would probably happen?[/quot
Why would they assume it was dangerous and why would you assume that these girls were mature and experienced enough to know how to deal with the rape? Look at how many women who have come out with stories of sexual harrassment and rapes who were made to feel their lives, or livelyhood were in danger if they reported in the last years. Women have still been meant to feel like sexual objects who men can do whatever they want to do to. Look at trump. He thinks its perfectly fine to grab a woman by her genitals and apparently his base of trumpettes think so too, so why would you think young inexperienced, unwordly girls would know what to do when their made to feel it's ok by the predators.
And then report it and be raped all over again by having to relive it evey time to have to relate your story. How many teenagers do you know that at sometime think they know better they can handle fhe situation and then when confronted panic ...don't know what to do....afraid and embarrassed to let anyone know. The predators are totally at fault. No means no even if I said yes at first. You don't stop when I say stop...it's rape.[/quote]

Brava!
Sep 22, 2019 13:38:30   #
Beestings wrote:
Reading all these comments I think it would have been best if the wheel hadn’t been invented!

LOL! In looking at the “good old days”, I wonder how far back we have to go? I was born in the mid 1950’s, my parents born in the late 1920’s. Should we go back to my days or my parents? Perhaps we can look at my grandparents or great grandparents and go back to their times. They got along without so many modern conveniences, so we should too, right?
The air conditioning thing is particularly amusing. I had no air con in my schools and yes, I survived. My daughters went to the same school where I now teach. In their day, there was no air conditioning. After my first year of teaching in said school, there was a major remodel and air con was installed. Believe me, it has been welcomed by all! Those who thinking this is coddling the children could ask teachers to turn it off. No problem for students to learn in 90 degree plus heat while sweating profusely. After all, I survived it so why should we attempt to improve things? Oh, wait a minute, air con requires electricity. Maybe if we go back to a time when schools had no electricity we wouldn’t be talking about air con! For that matter, let’s get rid of ball point pens and bring back the ink well! After all, if it was good enough for grandma, then why do these coddled children need the convenience of a Biro? Definitely need to chuck technology too, school buses/rides to school, bring back chalkboards (I really miss choking on chalk dust and having it all over my clothing) ditch the indoor plumbing, and let’s not forget that if we go back only as far as the 1970’s (in the US) we can eliminate delivering a free and appropriate public education to special needs students. Gosh, it’s going to be wonderful, just as I remember from my youth! (Tongue is firmly in cheek)
Oh, and I agree with you about the wheel. If our ancestors could haul things without the wheel and survive, why shouldn’t today’s youth?
Sep 21, 2019 16:30:16   #
Teens have more ability to think for themselves than many give them credit for. I applaud those who have researched and understand causes they believe in and don’t view them as pawns at all. They did not create the world we live in today and no one, not even the teens believe that we need to chuck it all right now. Change doesn’t happen that way. But they do understand that we need to start making changes now and for that I applaud them.

When I was 15 I started participating in protests against the Vietnam war. My parents were not thrilled but I was able to articulate my feelings and had educated myself about the war. They may not have supported my cause but they were happy to have raised an informed, articulate teen who stood by her convictions.
 
Sep 21, 2019 12:03:29   #
I still don’t understand why people are disturbed by being put on ignore. This is a large forum with members from all walks of life, different countries, cultures and points of view. Do we really expect to like and get along with everyone here? Do you like everyone you meet IRL? Does everyone you meet in real life become someone you want in your life? In the real world, we don’t invite or accept invites from people we don’t care for. On a forum such as this, ignore is the equivalent.
Sep 21, 2019 11:50:17   #
Mary Cardiff wrote:
I would never protect the men,16 years is the age of consent here in the uk,In the paper one girl was 15 years old,


And I hope you will never blame the victim either.
Sep 21, 2019 11:46:06   #
We don’t have freezing, snowy winters in the SF Bay Area. It does get cool and we even have fall foliage to admire, but I never miss freezing temps, snow and ice. A weekend at Lake Tahoe every year gives me just enough of winter!
Sep 21, 2019 11:28:06   #
knovice knitter wrote:
Please do not blame the victims. Epstein and friends knew it was wrong and illegal. According to our laws, an underage child cannot give consent. Even if they threw their pacifier to the side and screamed "yes, yes, yes", it is their age, lack of mature judgement and obeying an adult (authority) that exempts them from any responsibility. And that is the way it should be. Epstein and slimy pals are the only ones responsible here. Long held shame keeps the women from coming forward any sooner.
Please do not blame the victims. Epstein and frie... (show quote)


Thank you for your post. I was shocked that anyone would blame a victim of sexual assault. While I hope that women avoid situations that compromise their safety, just because you choose to go to a wild party, wear provocative clothing or drink too much does not mean that you deserve to be assaulted or are responsible in any way for the assault. Are you suggesting that men have no control at a certain point and must use assault as an outlet for their desires? What about beaches full of bikini clad women? Should they simply be viewed as fair game for men?
Many of Epstein’s victims were minors and having sex with minors is illegal, period.
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